so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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