Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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