I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
