I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
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