yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
