I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Can I color on your dick again?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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