I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
