am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
