Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
When are your genitals available?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
