Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I am naked and annoyed.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
