was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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