Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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