i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
