Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Banned from zoo.
Again?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
