All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
