glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
