When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
