oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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