they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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