If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
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