I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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