i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
