i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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