I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just had sex on a roof
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