nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
