I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
