After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
