Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
