Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
