my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
