guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
