Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
