you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
my liver is dry heaving
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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