The maid of honor just puked.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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