Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
