Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
