i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
