I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
