The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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