Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
