i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Blood and glitter go together right?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
