Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
