My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
