You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
