All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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