I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
