Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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