you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
