i always forget guys have bellybuttons
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
