think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
